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Online Journal Entry Two

I wonder if I give it a chance and actually became their friend, would it help me?

It's kind of pathethic to say, but it's very difficult, while I do think they would be a good friend, I don't think I could endure it, I'm really attracted to them and this is not something I can just throw to the wayside...

They seem to really like me, in the sense that I am safe to be around and be themselves. Which I appreciate, and I'm thankful for, but like, I feel differently towards them. Is it because I'm desperate for love??? But I mean we are social creatures, who wouldn't want love, and I guess this is love technically, but not the love I want.

I don't know what to do, I want to hold onto them, but I feel like it might get worse in the future if I do so. I've been keeping them far from me to keep myself sane, but sometimes they pop up, especially when I don't want them to.

I feel like we never really let go of people, I think we do the same thing that hard drives do, when you delete a file, it's never really deleted and it's only until you add more files to it that the "deleted" files get overwritten. I think we do the same things as humans, you never really forget someone, you only add more distractions and experiences to your life, until you finally stop thinking about them one day.

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